I AM
I am song
and instrument,
the willow by the river.
I'm nothing, yet I'm everything,
the given
and the giver.
The smallest crumb in a loaf of bread
I give cheeks a glow,
make youths
turn red.
Sown into earth's furrow,
a tiny seed by the wind strewn wild,
I may be found to be earth's fruit,
woman
within
child.
I'm scared by my own knowledge.
Oh, God, watch over me!
I threw myself into this fear
thinking it earth,
maybe?
Climbed
out of earth's furrow,
still climbing till I'm free,
my spirit bore me to sweet humanity.
I'm fear,
I'm fruit;
I'm young
and old;
I'm All That Is, to boot.
I've everyone's face.
In the world once again,
a little child
so tender and mild.
And then,
my own paradox,
I'm both cow and ox.
In India
they know of me
in one form only. But you see,
I am the smallest element,
can't be held by any firmament
so large am I,
yet snugly fit
in the eye of a needle
where nicely
I sit.
Sometimes,
when things
go to my head,
I blame myself and do penance instead.
I am a Herbig,
rough
and tough,
my own inheritance, and if that's not enough,
I alter my name
as soon as I die,
yet,
all the same,
I never die out,
move from house to house
and all
about.
The houses are small,
as small
as a room.
They belong in my palace.
You may assume
there are as many palaces
as branches
on a tree
where
like a bird,
high-flying
and free,
from time to time
I build a small nest.
Be it confessed,
when my husband, Haigaz Kaboulian,
on Ellis Island arrived, oh, what fun,
his name was still spelled with 'ou', though
some time later,
why, nobody knows,
his family's name was spelled with two 'o's.
Now, I suppose
that everyone knows:
Armenian names end in -ian
as that of our mothers,
Rebecca and Aghavni Demirdjian,
which last name means Smith.
Forthwith, we weld.
"Kaboul," in Turkish,
means"accept," or "receive."
We keep right on welding.
We weave
and we weave.
I accept my name.
I, Ute Herbig Kaboulian,
thanks to my dear husband,
do
what I can.
I'm an idea, a fantasy. Thus it's easy
to see
if I take my own cane and take my own hat
I'm my own judge and jury,
my own poet,
at that.
I AM:
Ute Katharina Aghavni Herbig Kaboolian